If you are a regular reader of the blog, you have undoubtedly noticed that I have not been posting anything for a while. Since the beginning of the war, I was at first unable to write and later on deeply conflicted about blogging as people kept dying in Ukraine. I am of course aware that there have been other awful things happening in the world during the years that I have had the blog, but it’s simply a fact that while many of these events (Syria and Afghanistan in particular) affected me deeply, nothing has come close to Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.

So why am I back, considering that the situation has not changed? Mostly for selfish reasons: in recent weeks, I have felt the urge to write again. I was not certain, however, that I should – and I fully understand if some of you (and any potential Ukrainian readers in particular) feel that I’ve made the wrong decision. What tipped the scales for me in the end was the impact I’ve seen the war have on some of my friends and, frankly, also myself. In March, I came the closest to a real burnout and depression that I have ever been in my life. This is not an experience I care to repeat. And I have been lucky, compared to many others.

Again, I am in no way comparing my experience to people’s who are facing a real war. But I have also come to realise that neglecting my mental health is not helping anyone. Sure, the blog might be a fluffy distraction from the horrors, but it is also a part of who I am and what I do. I have therefore decided to write about books and perfume and clothes while I keep donating to the Ukrainian army and not shutting up about the war on social media.

Today’s post is a bit of a hotchpotch*, as I wanted to get the above off my chest, but also mention a few things that have helped me during the last months. They are mostly frivolous things, but perhaps they help you, too, if you happen to need it right now.

Wearing perfume. I assume most of you are not surprised to see this point here, as you know I love perfume and what would be more natural for a perfume lover than to turn to scents for comfort? In reality, I often go off fragrance entirely in difficult times – I think it’s a combination of lack of time, an irritation with small pleasures of any kind when everything seems to be wrong with the big stuff, and almost a physical averse reaction to many strong scents when I’m stressed. This time I did find comfort in perfume, however. I wonder if it’s because Victoria behind Bois de Jasmin is Ukrainian? I associate fragrances so strongly with her, that I suspect my brain interpreted wearing perfume as an act of solidarity. I did gravitate towards easier, softer scents, though – nothing too interesting or edgy. There were weeks where I wore Jo Malone’s Mimosa & Cardamom almost daily.

Exercise. This one is obvious and I will spare you a long lecture on the benefits of moving one’s body. But I want to say that I was forced to stop training and taking my long walks for almost three weeks in the end of February and early March, as the work situation simply didn’t let me do anything else. I am convinced that my darkest moments were partly the result of that – things improved (although not miraculously) as soon as I got back to my workouts.

BTS. Yes, I discovered this Korean phenomenon about five years later than anyone else. OK, I of course knew they existed, but had never knowingly listened to any of the songs. In April, I hardly listened to anything else. My favourite song is Permission to Dance, the UN version. And the choreography and dancing in Black Swan is otherworldly, although I avoided it for a long time as I was unable to stand any emotional intensity at all. 

Easy reads. I read almost nothing this March and very little in April, which is unheard of for me. And what little I could read was mostly something very easy. The picture here is misleading, as I haven’t actually read Take a Hint, Dani Brown, which I picked for the colour scheme. I did, however, read the first book in this romance series – Get a Life, Chloe Brown – and you know what? I absolutely loved it. I also found that YA fantasy worked very well, as it tends to be gripping and fast-paced. Somewhat weirdly (or perhaps not), during the most difficult time I preferred books that were not particularly well written, which kept them from having too strong of an impact on me, while still providing a distraction. Yes, I’m looking at you, Daughter of the Moon Goddess.

Charlotte Tilbury Beautiful Skin Foundation. I know that for some people, makeup is a serious question of identity or even a necessity for functioning in the society, be it due to anxiety, skin issues or whatever else it may be. For me, it’s usually not the case. But there were moments in recent months where I just desperately wanted to look normal and professional, not grey in the face and obviously sleep-deprived. In these moments, I put on this Charlotte Tilbury foundation and it gave me that basic level of polish I needed. It has decent (medium) coverage, but can easily be applied with finders, which is necessary for me as I almost never use any tools and certainly not when I am physically and mentally exhausted.

Brandon Sanderson’s lectures. As you can tell by now, my tastes were somewhat unorthodox in these months I was away. Usually, when I watch Youtube, I tend to gravitate towards Booktube or style videos or perhaps humorous overviews of historical events. But there was a time when the only thing I could bear to watch were Brandon Sanderson’s lectures at the Brigham Young University. He has been teaching science fiction and fantasy writing there for years now and the 2020 lectures are available for free on his Youtube channel. They are a delight and I highly recommend them if you are interested in writing or in science fiction and fantasy. The man knows his stuff.

I could prolong this highly eclectic list, but let’s not overdo it with the first post after the break! Let me know in the comments how you have been and what you would like me to write about in this summer of discontent.

*I looked up the definition, just in case, and apparently it means ‘a confused mixture’, which is frighteningly accurate.