Ma It’s been a weird start of the year for me. I had a good break: celebrating with family, visiting the snowy Estonian countryside, reading, eating gingerbread and sauerkraut, buying a new dress. Then I learned that our (rented) house in Brussels had been broken into.

The damage wasn’t too bad (turns out thieves have no great interest in SF books, niche fragrances and Estonian fashion) and I’m relatively indifferent to what happens to my stuff anyway, just annoyed that I have to buy a new computer. Still, it has introduced an undercurrent of discomfort, a bit of unease to the recent days. I usually love the beginning of the new year and the beginning of September: I like fresh starts. While I’m enjoying the first days of January (I’m on holiday until next week), it has been difficult to be as enthusiastic as I usually am, to make grand plans and set goals.

Not that I have any particularly grand plans anyway, to be fair. The goal is rather to hold back, to focus, to continue with the important things I am already doing (reading, exercise, French) and not add too much to the menu. It will be, I’m telling myself, a year of setting boundaries, in particular at work. I find it very painful to admit that there isn’t enough time for everything I’d like to do, no matter how fast and efficient I am, but that’s the truth. And If I want to add anything to my to-do list, something else needs to be removed or scaled down.

So there are only two main things on my list: sleeping and writing. These aren’t new goals, of course, but that’s fine. It has taken me a while to make headway with my other objectives as well. Sport finally clicked three years ago, the French in 2021. Eating has improved, although not quite where I want it to be. My sleeping habits have, in fact, also already improved, it’s not common any longer for me to sleep less than 6 hours, but getting to 7 still eludes me most of the time. I think there is also a part of me that is reluctant to let go and no longer function on 4 hours of sleep, fuelled by coffee and adrenaline – despite knowing full well that this is not a sustainable thing to do.

When it comes to writing, I had a good spell about a year or year and a half ago, but then got distracted by work. Also, I hate to admit it, but for the writing to happen I need to cut down on reading. On one hand, finishing over 150 books last year was great. On the other, it left little time for anything else, except work, family and occasional blogging. I suspect 2022 will be a huge mess in terms of me and books. Because my brain will of course think that if I read 151 books in 2021, I need to read even more in 2022. I know my brain and this is, unfortunately, how it operates. At the same time, I want to read more diversly and in a less mainstreamy way this year, plus get through some intimidatingly big books. WHILE cutting back, so that I can write. I’m sure you can see the issue(s) here. I’m trying not to stress about it and trust myself to figure things out, if not this year than the next.

So with this in mind and the pandemic continuing, I think these pictures capture my current mood well: light mixed with dark, excitement  tempered by caution. The dress here is made by Ketlin Bachmann, to whom I wrote on 18 January last year that I absolutely need a unicorn dress for my birthday (which is on 29 January) and described what I had in mind. Nine days later I had my dress, shipped to Brussels from Tallin, without a single fitting. As you can see, it’s perfect nevertheless.

What are your plans for 2022? Any goals? And Happy New Year to all of you, lovely people!

Dress by Ketlin Bachmann, boots and leather jacket by Zara. Images Getter Raiend, makeup Grete Madisson, hair Natallia at Helen Heinroos Hair.