“So, how do you plan to monetize your blog?” This is not a question I ever expected to hear, but it has been asked several times now, in all seriousness, by nice people I like. Leaving aside the fact that there isn’t much to monetize anyway (8000 visitors is not something that will make advertisers giddy with desire), what really astonishes me is that people seem to be certain I would want to. Like blogging could have no other conceivable purpose.

I’m not saying this out of any false modesty. I have no modesty, false or otherwise. It’s not that I don’t have any ambitions for the blog. I do. I want it to become better – linguistically, visually, conceptually. I want to have more readers. Blogging is fun in itself, but it’s much more fun when someone is reading. It’s especially fun when someone is commenting.

I want my blog to be a place where I do what I want, say what I want, be who I am – or at least show a part of it. It’s hard enough as it is: of course I edit myself, trying to come across slightly smarter and more interesting than I actually am. After writing about Amanda Palmer, I also learned that the people I write about might actually read my ramblings, however unlikely it seems. This has an automatic censoring effect – I think twice before I criticize anything or anyone. I also think twice before I praise anything, as people might in fact act based on my words.

I have nothing against commercial blogs, I read many of them regularly, but having financial goals in mind makes all the above much more complicated. It’s not as black-and-white as selling your soul to advertisers, many people manage to make money out of their blogs with integrity. But for a beginner like me, trying to earn money this way would turn it into an entirely different ballgame. What is most problematic for me personally, is that as soon as you set a goal, you will of course try to meet it and focus on the results, rather than the process. Even with the goals I have, it occasionally gets tricky. I’ll think too much about how many people read this or that post and I have to remind myself that this is not the (only) reason I blog. I also think that striving towards being commercially successful would lose one of the – admittedly very few – strengths this blog has: that it’s written by a grown woman who is not part of the lifestyle industry, buys all of the stuff herself and actually uses and wears it. I’m not in it for free samples or an invitation to a fashion show.

So what am I in it for? It’s a valid question and there are different answers.

1. I have opinions. I am genuinely interested in the things I blog about and have been for a long time. I have followed every fashion season for more than 15 years, clicking through hundreds of shows on style.com. I am passionate about Middle Eastern spices and genre literature. Well, any kind of literature, really. And all kinds of spices. I have tried every dark lipstick ever made. I realize that it doesn’t make me an expert, but it has given me a certain level of knowledge and experience.

2. I cannot keep my opinions to myself. This is a general characteristic of mine, not only blog-related. One of my teachers in Denmark once wrote that I “speak my mind freely” and that is certainly the case. The blog was in the works for a long time, but it only happened when I moved away and had less opportunity to talk to my friends about books and perfume and everything. Of course, as moralists are quick to point out, social media does not replace real human contact! Indeed, it doesn’t, but it does provide an outlet and a means to connect. One of my friends was in Brussels recently, but we couldn’t meet. Before leaving, he wrote to me that he read through all my recent blog posts and it was almost like we had seen each other after all.

3. I am selfish. I guess most people would say that a blog like this is a vanity project, just an excuse to take pretty pictures of myself. There is a certain truth in that: I have always preferred pretty pictures to ugly ones, especially as it’s very difficult to take a nice one of me. But in the end, the reason is more general: I’m not just vain, I’m selfish. I want to do things I enjoy and the blog motivates me to do them. I will never be a professional literary critic, but on the blog, I can do what they do. I can work with interesting, inspiring people, simply because I want to. And I will. I already do.

This is another thing I often hear: go on, be a critic then, or a fashion designer, or a cafe owner – follow your heart! Be true to yourself! But it’s not that my heart’s desire is to free myself of the dreariness of political communication and begin a glamorous life of a style guru. My heart’s desire is to do many things and while unfortunately it means I’ll do them all only moderately well, so be it. Because I would really suck at doing one thing only.

So this is why I sit here, typing away, at 1AM and will wake up at 7AM tomorrow, to edit the text and take a photo before I go to work. It is, indeed, slightly insane and I have no idea how long I will do this. But right now, this is what I want.