I’m afraid this is going to be one of those ‘solution’ posts most people think solves nothing. I’m sticking to my guns, however, as this has been a hard-won victory. I’m not a very vengeful person by nature, but I have a strong sense of justice: as child, I didn’t really care about Cinderella marrying the prince, but I was glad the step-sisters had to burn in the fires of envy, as a well-deserved punishment (I’m coming to my point, I promise).

For several seasons now, I have been predicting the return of sheer black tights and nobody would believe me. Black tights have been the trashy, embarrassing sister of the boring, embarrassing nude tights for about 15 years, if not more. I knew it must come to an end soon and now I’ve been proven right by Hedi Slimane, of all people. Not a paragon of high fashion, maybe, but surely the designer who is as far away from uncool as you can get. Every look in his Saint Laurent spring/summer 2015 collection was accessorized with sheer black hosiery. So I was right, world, deal with it.

But it’s spring/summer (delete as appropriate), who would wear black tights now!? I hear you cry. The season doesn’t really matter, at least most of the time. If you’re afraid the tights will be too warm, I can assure you that 10 deniers will not really make much difference (unless it’s 30 degrees Celsius outside and it never is: see the name of the blog). If you’re afraid they’ll look incongruous during the warmer months: that’s the whole point. They should look slightly out of place and are most difficult to pull off with an all-black ensamble, as it might come across slightly too tasteful.

There are two occasions where the newly redeemed black tights are useful – not counting the universal help they provide to people (like me) with unshaven or pasty legs. First, when you’re going out at night: they offer some coverage when you wear your A-line supermini and platforms, while actually adding to the sexiness, not detracting from it. The other option, demanding more courage, is to include them in you work wardrobe, to make otherwise completely normal clothes slightly subversive. The main risk here is that your co-workers know nothing about fashion and will suspect you of being stuck in the 90s. If you think this is the case, please point them towards my blog.

The most important rule of wearing dark tights is to go as sheer as you possibly can. As I was actually ahead of this trend (hah!), I’ve had some time to test and I must admit the market situation is not satisfactory. The best ones available are Falke’s 10 Denier Fond de Poudre tights and Max Mara’s (surprisingly reasonably priced) 13 denier tights. Both are still too opaque for my taste, but if you go down to 8 den, the tights tend to be not elastic enough, giving you baggy knees as the day moves on (this happens even with Wolfords, as I’ve learned from bitter personal experience). Nothing kills the cool vibe you’re aiming for as fast as sagging tights.

If you take this being cool stuff seriously, the second rule is to combine your tights with shoes that are not black. I admit I have erred against this last dictum myself, but it was before I published this post, so it wasn’t yet official. Now, of course, I must mend my ways.