It feels a bit strange to write about velvet in beach weather, but by the time it would be more appropriate, I fear my enthusiasm might already be gone. At the moment, my love for this plush fabric is still fresh and all-conquering – always the best state of mind for blogging (at least for me, not entirely sure about the outcome for the readers).

The trend has been long in coming – remember these velvet platforms I wore about a year ago? – but this is the season it’ll finally hit the high street in a major way. Zara already has quite a few items in stores, including the green slip dress and faded pink camisole pictured above. There is also an amazing golden yellow jump suit that I would also have bought if it had fitted me a tiny bit better.

I think the 90s angle might be the easiest to wear, as the simple, grungy shapes balance the opulence of the fabric, making the look more modern. And while velvet looks amazing in rich jewel tones, it also works surprisingly well in the somewhat anemic nineties palette. If you think you look too pretty, just throw a tattered parka over everything: the goal is to look like you might potentially be a member of a very stylish, vaguely Kurt Cobain-inspired cult (carry Emma Cline’s The Girls to maximise the effect).

Then there’s the simplest way to do the trend, unless you are strongly allergic to that decade, in the form of a choker. Or even simpler: just buy some velvet ribbon and tie it around your neck, collar or no collar. The only difficult thing about the latter is that unless your heart is set on the traditional black, it’s almost impossible to choose the colour. Velvet has the ability to make all hues twice as beguiling as they usually are: emerald, lavender, bronze, mauve, dusty blue, ruby, pale grey, chartreuse, turquoise, plum… all look amazing.

There are other, more traditional reference points you can use, if slightly unhinged teenagers are not your thing: seventies disco, especially for shoes and trouser suits; art nouveau for colour inspiration; Victoriana/glam goth for mood and attitude. In the season where everyone from Armani to Miu Miu did velvet, there’ll be something you can use. In case, of course, you are interested in engaging at all: you can very well decide that you’re tired of the trend ALREADY and beat everybody else by several months.

PS I could not resist naming the post after one of my favourite historical novels and I apologise to those who came here in search of oral sex that the phrase happens to mean in obscure Victorian English slang.

Pictured: dress and camisole by Zara, velvet ribbons from Abakhan. Unfortunately, it’s very difficult to capture the colour and texture of velvet on a sunny day with an iPhone. I recommend doing your own research IRL.