It was my 40th birthday in the end of January and so far, there’s no mid-life spleen in sight. Rather the opposite: I’ve been in excellent mood recently and I’m excited for both my upcoming party and things I plan to do in 2020. I also feel like writing a silly list about things one may want to figure out by 40.

Obviously, this is not meant to be dead serious, you do not need to figure this stuff out, ever, if you don’t want to and some of you may have been done with the entire list before turning 5. As you will see, I’m not talking any big decisions here (major life choices, children, money, etc), just everyday stuff I believe makes life easier. So here are the things to be sorted, in no particular order:

1. Your hair. This post was inspired by a very specific thing: the hair salon I had gone to for my colour and cut for five years completely lost its shit and left me with yellow hair and then three centimeters of dark roots, because I dreaded going back. Every appointment turned into a nightmare and I remember thinking: I am too old for this, I have no time for spending several days getting my hair to a barely tolerable state. Obviously, not everyone’s hair is this high maintenance, but I feel whatever your situation, it is such a relief to have it sorted. The solution could be going all natural, opting for a bald head or trying something new every month with a trusted hairdresser – as long as it doesn’t take up too much of your head space (pun sort of intended) and no more time than absolutely necessary.

2. Skin and brows. This point is related to the first one: as I move further away from 19, I paradoxically prefer to go make-up free more often. The truth is, however, that this is much easier when your hair, skin and brows look decent. Things that seemed charmingly carefree 15 years ago now make people think I haven’t slept for three days (entirely possible) and don’t own a comb. I’m not as concerned about looking polished as people may suspect, but especially in work situations, I do prefer to come across as someone who has her life broadly under control and not be distractingly disheveled. A proper skincare routine (cleanser, hydrator, SPF is my minimum) and groomed brows will go a long way to help with that. I’m doing great with the first, less so with the second, because my brow person is in Tallinn, sometimes meaning three or four months between appointments.

3. Best clothes for your current body. Most people’s bodies change somewhere between 30 and 40 years of age, but they continue dressing like this never happened. Now, let me be very clear: I don’t give a fuck about age-appropriate dressing. ‘Age-appropriate’ is among my least favourite phrases of all time. What I do care about, though, is feeling good in one’s clothes and sometimes that means saying goodbye to things that have served us well for years. My own changes have not been very dramatic and are mostly related to exercising rather than aging per se, but they are there. Two years ago, I was one stomach flu or a stressful month away from being a delicate size 36-. Now I’m size 38 in most brands and look more robust and muscular. If we are thinking in terms of unattainable body inspiration, more Charlize Theron than Kate Moss*. This means that some things I love don’t work quite as well on me anymore. Broadly speaking, simple lines, structured forms, solid colours work well, while softer, more romantic things and patterns require caution. There are exceptions and obviously I can still wear frilly blouses and cardigans if I want to, but the trend is towards less Gucci, more Victoria Beckham (aesthetically speaking, financially I’m yet to get there).

4. How to do flat shoes. This is definitely not a rant against heels, but the fact is that the fashion landscape has changed and flats are the new normal. I also don’t know any women in their forties who do not appreciate the comfort factor of low or non-existent heels. That said, flats are usually a dress-down element (like no make-up, simple hair and looser silhouettes) and if one is not a teenager, the absence of elevation can come across as frumpy rather than cool. I firmly believe there is the right, flattering flat shoe out there for everyone, be it loafers, sneakers, Doc Martens, ballet flats, brogues, whatever. You just have to find a style (or several) that works for you. I have come to appreciate all of them; if I had to choose one category, it would be sneakers.

5. Movement. Like flat shoes, everyone should have at least one way to move their body that they enjoy. I totally get it that boxing and lifting aren’t universally appealing (although I’d say don’t knock it until you have tried it). There are, however, so many other options: walking works for almost everyone, swimming and yoga/pilates are great for many, cycling is often practical. One doesn’t have to be so mainstream, of course. I have a good friend who does tap dancing and another who completed the Ironman triathlon last year. It would obviously be preferable to find a workout one enjoys before turning 40, but I was rather late to the party myself and therefore have much empathy for those who aren’t there yet.

6. Necessary luxuries. It is nice to own and consume nice things. It’s more enjoyable to drink good quality wine than random plonk, it’s lovelier to use luxurious skincare than utilitarian products, hardback books look better on the shelf than paperbacks. It’s not always the case, but as a general rule, nice things are more expensive than not-nice things and unless your funds are unlimited, you cannot choose the most wonderful options in every category. What you can do, however, is to consider what really makes a difference for you. I, for example, like good teas – they are beautiful and smell and taste good and have those amazing stories attached. But I have discovered that I don’t really mind drinking Twinings most of the time, it doesn’t make me much sadder compared to drinking Mariage Freres – although the latter clearly makes superior teas. Expensive skincare, on the other hand, often seems worth the additional money for me. So in case you don’t frankly see much difference between that Charlotte Tilbury lipstick and a Rimmel one, do not be pressured to opt for the more expensive version. At the same time, if buying a niche perfume makes you sing with joy, do not let anyone tell you that you’d be equally well served by D&G Light Blue.

What do you think? Is there anything that you have figured out that has resulted in contentment and relief? Anything you are still working on?

*Do not worry about my mental health, I’m well aware I don’t look like either of them. But it’s a useful shortcut to illustrate the differences in type.