In Praise of Pausing
I’m not a fan of self-help books, as a rule: not because I’m fundamentally against the genre, but because most of them don’t seem to offer much real insight and many can be downright offensive (How to find a husband, anyone?). What I have become quite interested in, however, is how real people make their life work – life hacks and practical solutions to everything from what to pack for travel to how to deal with parental guilt.
Most people would agree that putting your life and troubles in to perspective is a healthy thing. But how to get that perspective? Things like terrorist attacks or seeing suffering children make most people get some pronto, as you are filled with overwhelming gratitude that you are a) alive and b) not facing any serious, completely unfair shit every single day. But if you have specific problems that aren’t helped by this kind of realization, I recommend taking a break.
It’s not a magical solution to everything – nothing is – but time off really can make things clearer. If I feel like going back to work in the end of a good holiday, it’s the surest sign that the job is a keeper. Even one free afternoon can make it plain weather you are anxious simply because you are overwhelmed, or there are bigger underlying issues at play.
Sometimes it’s impossible to afford a pause, but it can be helpful even if you stop doing one thing, rather than put everything on hold. I took a week-long break from blogging, while still having a very full-on work and social agenda, and that made a few things very clear to me:
1. I still like blogging. I started missing it almost immediately and kept thinking that “oh, I should blog about that!” whenever I saw something even remotely interesting. As is often the case, as soon as I wasn’t really looking for content, some great things materialized almost effortlessly. This weekend, I had one of the loveliest photo shoots imaginable and I’m truly excited to see the results. And I need to do a cleanser update! Yes, I’ve bought more cleansers.
2. I should blog less. Initially, I made a decision to blog almost every day because I was afraid that as soon as I stop, I’ll lose the momentum and the discipline to blog regularly. I no longer think that would be the case and I would like to take more time to plan and write the posts. I’ve also realized that the Belgian winter is coming, making it very complicated to take even half-decent photos before or after work. I’m thinking three times a week is a good frequency and I’ll test it out. I know there are quite a few readers who come here every day and I hope it’s OK with you, too.
3. I want to go on a buying freeze for a month. I’ve always been a bit uneasy about the link between consuming and blogging. The good thing is that blogging has made me even more picky about what I buy and use, as I’m constantly analysing the performance of everything. The bad thing is that blogging is an incentive to buy stuff and I want to tackle that. I think it needs to wait until January, but it’s definitely in my plans.
Not a bad result for one week of blog abstinence, or what do you think? I kind of hope you will not take a break from my blog after reading this, but if you do, I’ll understand.
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Good for you that you have made an active choice in the matter and will thus (hopefully) remain happy about blogging and not end up finding it overwhelming.
A shopping-hiatus sounds good; maybe a few reflective posts about purchases during 2015? What was the best buy? The worst? What are you looking for in spring 2016? That sort of thing is always interesting to read…/Suss
It’s quite funny that the thought of a best-off list never crossed my mind – I absolutely love reading that type of things myself. Thank you for the idea, I’m putting it in the works.
I will second you in the praise of pausing! I’m so glad that you found it beneficial. Believe it or not, I took my very long pause in part due to something I read on a perfume blog, and I hope you don’t mind that I’ve included the link:
http://perfumeposse.com/2015/09/07/perfume-yoga-and-life/
After reading that post, I thought about all the many things that I push myself to do even when I don’t want to. My goodness, the list was very long! So I simply stopped. I had various reasons, but the primary one was that I needed a break from being available and responsive and accommodating. It took me a hell of a lot longer than you to recalibrate, and I also have made some changes.
I’m glad you have discovered you still enjoy blogging. I absolutely support your decision to not succumb to the pressure of keeping it up every day. I would far prefer to know that when you do post something, it’s from the heart and not out of obligation. We all certainly have enough of that to contend with!
I can definitely understand that blogging would foster an increase in consumption, and it’s such fun most of the time! Honestly for me, though, I’ve found an increasing dis-ease with the amount of stuff I have, not to mention stuff I think I want. So a month’s spending freeze to ring in 2016 sounds like a good idea. As long as we don’t make up for it in February. 😉
I’m glad we’re both back, it’s always wonderful to visit with you via the blog. Big hug to you.
Dear Holly, first of all – I’m so glad to see you here. I hope you’re doing great. Second, thank you for the link, I don’t mind you sharing at all and I loved it.
I believe the reason it didn’t take me that long to come to these conclusions is that I had been thinking about these things already a while, mulling them over and over. I just needed to give myself permission to stop for a bit, to realize that nothing horrible will happen if I do. And that provided the catalyst for the rest. I’m sure I’ll have much bigger issues in the future, but I’m content for now.
The thing with me and stuff is that the periods of yearning for a Spartan existence alternate with the desire for something new and exciting. I get bored with the former and disgusted with the latter, so there’s clearly work to do in managing that part of my life.
Thanks for the warm welcome back!
Holly-
First off it is great to see you back! Secondly, thank you for that link….that was a great post for me to read as I have had a similar experience with yoga once being so prevalent in my life to it taking a back seat to my other obligations….I want to get back into a regular practice because it really does help to keep me “sane”…..I want to go back to yoga because I love how it makes me feel physically, emotionally and spiritually….thanks for the inspiration 🙂 !!!!
Hi bardot and thank you! I’m so happy to see you here as well!
I’m glad you enjoyed the link. I’m incredibly lucky at this phase in my life where I have more freedom than ever, and am able to pause frequently and actually decide what I want to do at any particular juncture. I’m truthfully finding it rather daunting! There are so many options, including running amok and utter sloth. I too have the same goal of finding balance and equanimity.
And absolutely, I’m on board with the purchasing hiatus!
Ykkina, I love your blog, and will read it daily, weekly, monthly, or whenever you choose to put your thoughts out for our delectation. Your observations are worth reading because they’re always elegantly written, interesting and thought-provoking, and they will not be less so if they are published twice or thrice weekly instead of daily.
I agree with you on the value of pausing, though I am not myself designed by nature to stop and reflect. I tend to find my cruising speed and hurtle forward without stopping. Mostly (sometimes?) that works, but sometimes I lose momentum and then I get a bit grim. So: the pause, could I only master it, would be an excellent addition in many aspects of my life. I think I should practise it. I also think I probably won’t, but it’s a step in the right direction to at least think that I should.
I’m not sure I see a strong connection between blogging and consumption, or at least, not between your blog and consumption. I appreciate your appreciation of life and its pleasures–I love your enjoyment of make up, skin care, nail polish, shoes, whatever- but I do see it as an exercise in sharing simple pleasures, not as an encouragement to consume.
Frances, it’s mutual – I love your comments 🙂 And while I agree that my blog is probably not an invitation to an orgy of consumption, it does motivate myself to spend more. I have a strong perfectionist streak and if I am, for example, recommending a foundation, I feel like I need to try every other foundation – to ensure that my recommendation is indeed adequate. For a person who doesn’t do beauty blogging for a living, this isn’t a sustainable approach. So I try to figure these things out as I go along without going bankrupt and/or feeling a constant compulsion to consume.
I can count on one hand the number of blogs I read religiously and yours is one of them. As Frances said no matter how often or how little you post I will be reading. I was once so ensnarled in the online world of blogging (it really can become like an addiction) that I had to take a step back and re-evaluate how much time it was taking away from my life (which is already so incredibly busy with work, raising kids, running a house,etc). My techno break over the summer proved to me that I could simplify my life and still feel content. Ykkinna, you hit the nail on the head when you spoke about finding that balance.
As an extremist, this is my lifelong lesson and I am trying my best to find balance and equanimity in everything I do and every encounter I have with another human being. I also like the idea of taking a “purchasing hiatus”. I am on board with you and Holly! Let’s do it!
Dear Bardot, thank you for being so lovely and supportive, as always. A tech break is another thing I’ve been contemplating, but my work makes it impossible, unless I’m having a proper holiday. So maybe in the summer.
Hello I headed here from NST. I completely agree with the above comments, in terms of blogging on a schedule to suit you is clearly the right approach and also much more likely to mean you continue to view it is a pleasure rather than an obligation. I have thoroughly enjoyed the posts I’ve read (being fairly new to your blog) and would happily continue to read irrespective of the frequency of new posts. Also, the value of pressing the pause button cannot, in my mind, be overstated. I am generally so busy between work and life that one can completely lose sight of anything else, and then it is so important to escape even if only for an afternoon out taking whatever form works best for you at that time – somehow it makes everything else more bearable. A pause from consumption can also be pretty liberating and provide a sense of space and relief (although sometimes a new purchase is rather exciting it must be said)!
Dear SophieC, what a pleasure to see you here! Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by. Breaks don’t come naturally to me, but I’ve realized that this craziness isn’t sustainable without an occasional pause. At least I have become much better at switching off when I have a chance, I used to be hopeless at that.
Taking a small break from my mono hibernation to let you know I am glad your blogging will be around, I would miss it if it weren’t. Too tired to comment much anywhere but enjoying reading them (and I love those gummi bears). A would love for you to make an easy reading list, easy dinners would also be greatly appreciated!
Dear Hamamelis, how are you? I’m so sorry to hear that this annoying mono refuses to give up. Thanks for commenting despite everything and your wishes have been very much noted.