Despite my analytical tendencies, I’m not usually one to overthink. Procrastinator, yes; overthinker, no. My theory is that I’m basically a lazy and selfish person and I do not feel like driving myself crazy with ‘what ifs’ or misplaced guilt. If I feel guilty about something, chances are I have in fact done something horrible and feeling guilty is an entirely appropriate reaction. As a general rule, I don’t worry too much about what I should do, I do what I want.

That said, I have been obsessively thinking about reading lately. True, I think about reading almost all the time anyway (when I’m not reading or sleeping), but these are usually happy thoughts: thoughts about what I have read and what I plan to read; contemplation and anticipation. It’s been a bit more confused recently. It would be too dramatic to say I have felt guilty about wanting to read so much and running after new releases, instead of reading slower, in a more mindful and focused way. But it’s true I’ve felt conflicted. It shouldn’t be about the quantity but the quality and process, right?

Well, yes and no. After all this agonising, I read a post by a bookstagram friend (@anicegreanleaf – follow her if you love reading), who reminded me that it’s OK to want to read A LOT. It’s OK to be greedy for different emotions, viewpoints and stories. And this is the type of a reader I am. Even if I don’t set any quantitative goals (and this year I didn’t, if you don’t count the symbolic five books target on Goodreads that I have already reached), the inner drive to read fast is still there. I feel satisfied when I see the ‘read’ pile growing. I enjoy my state of mind when I’ve read several good books in a row and my brain gets kind of blurry and inspired at the same time. I love it when I encounter a book I cannot put down.

I have also realised that there is no reason to beat myself up when I deviate from my plans and get distracted by new things or books that people are praising. First of all, I am a spontaneous reader by nature and very strict plans would never work for me anyway. Second, it is human to be influenced by others. There are people on social media whose taste I respect and with whom I have excellent conversations. OF COURSE I want to read at least some books they love, so that we have something to discuss. The breath and depth of my reading has improved so much thanks to people who have different backgrounds and experiences from me. It is also entirely fine to want to read things that are either popular or somehow culturally relevant: it is not evil to want to be part of bigger conversations and the ebb and flow of the literary world.

That said, I aim to be somewhat more deliberate in my choices (shout-out to @nitya.mema for giving me the right word). I’ve had good discussions with people on how much one should strategically plan one’s reading, whether there are things one SHOULD read, principles to adhere to (reading enough women, people of colour, authors from different places, reading on difficult topics). I will always support people’s absolute right to read what brings them pleasure and I despise any kind of external dictates defining the right kind of reading. There are, however, different kinds of pleasure, and people read for different reasons. I don’t read only for the beauty and the emotion, I also read for knowledge and growth. Reading is one of my main sources of information about the world and that is why I think some personal rules are useful.

Especially regarding non-fiction, I want to read in a more structured and focused manner. I tend to read about history and genetics the same way I read fiction: with lots of enthusiasm, but without any conscious effort to retain the information. Obviously, I do retain some and on topics that I’m obsessed with (say, Ancient Mesopotamia or astrophysics), I’m reasonably well informed. Still, there is a lot of room for improvement. I plan to talk (or write) more about the books I read to make sure I think through what I learned and read more in clusters (several books on similar topics) – something I love to do anyway, but it requires a bit of thinking. By the way, I think that many younger readers put less emphasis on this aspect because they are still at school or university and get their thirst for proper learning slaked by default.

There are a couple of other things I plan to do this year. Every month, I want to read at least one book that has been on my list for ages. I have said it before, but the downside of being an enthusiasm-based reader is that enthusiasm passes and things I rationally know I would like suddenly don’t seem appealing. This brings me back to pleasure in reading: I don’t think some discipline contradicts the pleasure principle, at least in my case. Almost always, I have been very happy in the end once I’ve read something that has required some conscious effort. One book a month (which roughly means one in ten) should be a reasonable goal.

I also want to read more in Estonian, as I read shockingly few books in my native language last year. This is on one hand to keep in touch with my own culture and Estonia’s literary scene, but also to keep my Estonian language from deteriorating (I’ve been living abroad for five years and feel less comfortable writing in Estonian than I used to). I have already asked my friends for recommendations, so I have a long list to pick from.

I’m not saying it’s an actual goal, but I’m also thinking about reading all the works of one author – Woolf and Atwood are the first to come to mind. I like an occasional reading project and Kassandracomplex did one on Angela Carter, which I found inspiring. Which in turn reminds me that The Bloody Chamber is a good contender for my ‘Books I’ve wanted to read for ages’ category. If you need inspiration for reading projects, Artfulreader has an excellent post on the subject.

What are you planning to read this year? Any philosophical or practical considerations you want to share?